Grandma Wants To Finally Start Living For Herself, So She ‘Retires’ From Taking Care Of Her Grandkids
Grandmothers truly are gifts. Spending time with us on special occasions, spoiling us with gifts and toys, or sneaking us extra cookies while our parents aren’t watching, they truly are a joy to have in our lives.
But after years of helping her daughter care for her son, one grandmother is now asking the internet if she’s the a**hole for retiring from childcare responsibilities.
The Backstory
Redditor EconomyCharge6507 is a grandmother. She’s also in a bit of a familial dilemma and posted her story to Reddit's "Am I The A**hole?" to get answers.
So, the grandmother herself gave birth to her daughter when she was 18 and had a son at the age of 21. Her daughter then became pregnant at 16. While trying to finish school and be a single parent, the grandmother explains that she and her husband helped out their daughter with childcare duties. Eventually, the daughter graduated from college, found a career, and got married, but the responsibilities didn’t stop there.
Grandparents And Grandchildren
“Even after she moved out and got married, my husband and I were heavily involved in caring for the child,” wrote the grandmother.
Both the daughter and husband worked crazy hours, so instead of having “us time,” the grandparents took on the responsibility of caring for their grandson, including taking him to school, babysitting, and even watching him for a full month over summer break. Still, the grandmother says they are very close, and “don’t resent what we did and enjoyed doing it.”
The Bouncing Reason Why
Now that the grandson is 18 and off to college, the grandparents plan to retire and move down south for some sunshine and relaxation (a plan that’s been years in the making). The daughter and her husband also have a 2-year-old son, and while the grandmother acknowledges they’re not as close, they love and spoil him very much. The husband works a high-paying job, but the daughter recently quit hers so she could be a stay-at-home mom.
And here’s the kicker: a third bundle of joy is now on the way.
An Upset Daughter
So here’s where the situation begins to boil over.
“My daughter says we shouldn’t move because she may need our help. I said while her father is retiring from work, I’m retiring from childcare. I want to be the grandmother that sees her grandbabies and spoils them but is not basically raising them. She got offended and said that this is just ‘what grandmothers do,’” the grandmother wrote.
Time To Ask Reddit
If the grandparents move, they’ll be four hours from their son, but much further from their daughter. Needless to say, the daughter and her husband are fuming and accuse the grandmother of cheating the younger grandchildren out of a relationship. “They say I make it sound like caring for my grandson was a chore,” wrote the grandmother.
So she asks Reddit: Am I the a**hole?
The Grandparents Have Earned A Break
Reddit overwhelmingly voted in favor of the grandmother and decided she was “not the a**hole.”
They say that for years she went above and beyond for her daughter and grandchildren when she was a struggling mother, and now it’s time for the daughter to finally give her the break she deserves.
The Daughter Needs To Grow Up
Many users focused their comments on the daughter directly and said she was no longer a frightened 16-year-old girl, but a grown adult who needs to sort out her own life and grow up.
“Did your parents raise your daughter for you? I'm trying to understand her thought that grandparents essentially raise their grandchildren. You've been very supportive, and she and her husband sound like they've done well! Go ahead and move, don't look back with any level of regret, enjoy your retirement. Your daughter needs to figure out her own life and choices,” wrote one Reddit user.
The Daughter Just Wants A Free Babysitter
Other users went a step further and accused the daughter of only being upset by the situation because it meant her free babysitters would no longer be available. They noted that while the grandparents undoubtedly love their grandchildren, childcare is a chore—and an exhausting one.
“She shouldn’t be having kids she wants someone else to raise,” one commenter noted.
No A-Holes Here
Not all comments, however, were critical of the daughter.
One Redditor pointed out that perhaps the daughter is just scared to raise children by herself, and worries that because of the distance if her mother moves, it could be weeks or months before they visit each other again. Another said that perhaps the daughter was just going to miss her mother and the connection she had with her first grandchild.
If You Were In Her Shoes
So what do you think? Was the grandmother the a**hole for wanting to move away from her daughter and grandchildren? Or is the daughter being entitled by still expecting support all these years later and not letting her parents retire to enjoy their golden years?
If you were in this grandmother’s shoes, what would you do?
Grandma Refuses To Babysit Her Grandchild Without Being Paid
A grandma recently took to Reddit to get clarity on whether she was in the wrong for asking for compensation from her daughter for babysitting her grandchild.
She explains that her daughter is 29 with a one-year-old kid. The question came up when it was time for the new mother to return to work.
Parents Prefer A Trusted Babysitter
It's quite common for parents to ask their loved ones for help first before hiring a qualified babysitter. This means a consistently familiar face for the baby.
In this case, the daughter was going to work five days a week, for about seven to eight hours a day. She was only asking her mom to help out two or three days a week.
Grandma Was Only Willing To Babysit With A Salary
The grandma clarified that the issue wasn't about babysitting in general as she loved to spend time with her grandson. It was that she felt as though her time should be compensated.
"I explained to her that I would like a payment of $12/hour. She understood my need for payment."
Grandma Refused To Negotiate
The grandma then explained that her daughter tried to negotiate down to only $10/hour because she claimed that she could not afford $12, even with her $22/hour job. Grandma wasn't willing to budge.
She wrote, "I'm not a daycare, I have my own life..."
Grandma Argued She Can't Work At The Same Time
The reason grandma was so stern was that she works for herself. "I think she should understand that I'd be giving up my time when I work from home, and if I'm going to be giving up that time then I need money to replace that time I’m giving up from my job."
Grandma explained that she can't work and watch the child at the same time.
Mom Even Offered To Provide Food To Make Up Costs
The mom continued to try to negotiate. She said that she was only asking for help two or three days per week, and was going to ask her mother-in-law for help the rest of the days.
She even offered to provide food during her time; however, grandma insisted that despite loving her grandson, she was not a daycare.
Some Didn't Side With Grandma, But It's Not For Asking To Be Paid...
Some Redditors suggested that the grandma was just finding excuses because, in reality, she didn't want to babysit. They said she should've just admitted that.
Plus, many pointed out that the issue wasn't that she was asking for compensation, but how much she was demanding. The mother clearly couldn't afford what she was asking as it would be two-thirds of her paycheck.
Others Thought What Grandma Was Asking Was Fair
Some pointed out that it's not fair to expect grandma to babysit for free when teens and siblings ask for $13/hour to babysit after school and no one bats an eye.
One person said, "Grandma is demanding to be treated as a paid employee providing competent quality childcare services for a 12-month-old infant, and for more hours than 'after school.'" While another said, "A grandparent is not free childcare, so don't have kids expecting to pawn them off on your aging parents."
They Suggested The Mom Find An Actual Daycare
At the rate of what grandma was asking, many suggested that the mom might as well find an actual daycare.
"At this rate, she could pay a daycare center for a full week of care. I've been searching for care and what I've found is anywhere from $145-$300/week," one person posted.
Other Parents Complained About The Costs Of Childcare
Some parents related to the struggle the mom must be facing. One person shared her own story:
"I'll be back to work in January and the in-home I will be sending my son to is $175/week. Which is fine, I'm not complaining about that. But the cost of childcare is really high and I’m not even in that large of a market."
It's Expensive To Raise A Child
The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) reports that the average cost of raising just one child from birth up to age 17 is about $233,610. That includes childcare such as babysitting.
It seems fair for parents to try to negotiate and cut costs where they can. In the same vein, is it fair for grandparents to say no?
