Woman Refuses To Attend Mom’s Wedding After She Goes Behind Daughter’s Back And Bleaches Granddaughter’s Hair
Some people have excellent relationships with their parents, while, unfortunately, others don’t. In these more serious cases, people often have to lay down a list of ground rules and boundaries with their parents, especially when children are involved.
One woman is now asking if she’s at fault for refusing to attend her mother’s wedding after she violated one of those boundaries. What sparked the harsh reaction? A granddaughter, bleach, and an unwelcome new hairdo.
The Grandmother’s Wedding
Reddit user arcticfauxy took to the “Am I The A**hole?” subreddit to explain the situation. Her mom is getting married at the end of July, and her 11-year-old daughter is the youngest grandchild and was therefore asked to be the flower girl at the wedding.
Nothing brings out toxic and demanding family members quite like a wedding, and that’s what this mom quickly learned.
A Rainbow Of Hair Colors
The mother explains that she semi-regularly dyes her daughter’s hair with temporary and fun colors, most recently, a “very pretty” shade of blue. But, her mom—AKA the bride-to-be—is not a huge fan.
“My mom detests unnatural hair colors and has been hounding me to ‘fix it’ for the wedding. My daughter was fine with being a brunette for a little while when I asked,” she explains. “I was going to let her blue fade out naturally then put a dark brown over it a bit before the wedding. I guess that wasn’t soon enough for my mother.”
Betrayal In A Bottle
The mother explains that over the Fourth of July weekend, she and her husband had to work, so she sent her daughter to spend the day with her aunt and uncle. They in turn went over to the grandmother’s house, and that’s where things went down south very quickly.
“While they were there my mom BLEACHED my daughter’s hair [without] even asking me,” she says.
Damaged Hair
The mom is furious and says her daughter’s hair is incredibly dry and damaged, adding that the grandmother should’ve known better considering she used to be a stylist. In addition, the blue dye isn’t even fully out, and she calls it a “splotchy faded green/blue with spots of blonde.”
She says that she’d never bleach her daughter’s hair to begin with, and is refraining from putting any additional product on it to prevent further damage. She then adds she has an appointment at a salon to try to fix her daughter’s hair.
Family Drama
The mom now outright refuses to attend the grandmother’s upcoming wedding, which, as you can imagine, has caused “a commotion” amongst family members.
She explains that nearly everyone has told her the exact same thing: her mother is a “control freak, it’s just how she is, it’s not a big deal, it’s just hair.” Meanwhile, her brother chimed in and said it’s not a big deal, and can be easily fixed (seriously, dude?). The mom is in utter disbelief that her sister-in-law, who she says is usually a wonderful babysitter, even let this happen in the first place.
So Who’s The A**hole?
The judgment however doesn’t stop there. She says people accuse her of overreacting and that apparently her mother’s “best intentions” override her own parental choices. She goes on to say that people already judge her for letting her daughter have colored hair, and they don’t see how bleach is any different. She then asks Reddit, “am I the a**hole?”
“My daughter hates her hair and expected a pretty bleach blonde ‘like Billie Eilish’ which is what her grandma promised her, not a faded mess.”
Rocking The Boat
Reddit overwhelmingly voted in favor of the mother not being the a**hole, but the same could not be said for the grandmother. Most accuse her of overstepping boundaries and of “rocking the boat,” which describes avoiding saying or doing something that would disturb an existing situation. They add that the phrase “it’s just how she is” is something people say when they want to sweep a person’s toxic behavior under the rug and not deal with it, further enabling the behavior.
“Sink the boat like it’s the goddamn Titanic, OP,” one user writes. “This is your kid.”
Grandma The Stylist
A few users also pointed out that even if the granddaughter was on board with getting a blonde makeover, the sister-in-law should have at least first checked with the mother to see if it was okay, instead of assuming it’d be fine due to the grandmother’s prior experience as a stylist.
Others question the grandmother's actual skill as a stylist, wondering how she could think something like semi-permanent hair dye and full-on bleach are interchangeable, especially for a child.
On The Other Hand
Not everyone felt the same level of empathy toward the mother, however. A few users say that while the grandmother was in the wrong, the mother is also at fault for causing a major rift in the family over not attending the wedding, which they say will lead to future familial ramifications.
Another user had a very different take, writing, “What’s wrong with you people? 11. The girl is 11...Who dyes [an] 11-years-old's hair blue. Or bleaches it. Or whatever you do...this is a child. And don't come around telling me how this dye is safe for children—I don't care, it's highly inappropriate.”
Share Your Thoughts
So what is your opinion on this story? Is the mother reacting appropriately to the grandmother overstepping boundaries, or is refusing to attend the wedding too extreme a reaction? Should parents even be dyeing their children’s hair in the first place?
Let us know in the comments!
