People Who Deserve A Lifetime Ban From The Kitchen

Jennifer Hillhouse | July 9, 2024 1:59 pm

We all know someone who's a lost cause in the kitchen. Maybe they were your roommate in college, but it's more likely they're your significant other now. Somehow, the second they walk into the kitchen there's a dirty spatula on the ground, a pan on fire, and someone's screaming in the background. It's just inevitable that they bring chaos the moment they even think about boiling an egg.

These people are so hopeless in the kitchen it's downright dangerous. We're begging them to stay away from it all for the safety of themselves, ourselves, and the remaining one good pan.

The Girlfriend Who Ruined A Birthday Party When She Gave The Cake Teeth

cake with teeth
Photo Credit: pokon / Reddit
Photo Credit: pokon / Reddit

The key to being a complete kitchen disaster is having an overwhelming amount of confidence in the mess you're creating.

Consider this girlfriend, who made a cake for her daughter's birthday that made her cry because it was so terrifying.

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Photo Of Pure Despair After Her Pot Of Sauce Just Took A Dive

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cat and sauce
Photo Credit: laughhard / Tumblr
Photo Credit: laughhard / Tumblr
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Nobody wins when an absolute tornado person makes their way into the kitchen. When the entire pot of marinara falls onto the ground we all suffer. Except for the cat — the cat is absolutely thriving.

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The Guy Who Wasn't Sure Why The Rice Became A Tower

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rice stove
Photo Credit: pandarmour / Reddit
Photo Credit: pandarmour / Reddit
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The caption on this photo reads "I think we should invest in a rice cooker." No, what this guy needs is an understanding that rice absorbs water and gets bigger. So if you don't want your rice looking like it's a leaning tower of Pisa cosplayer, either add less rice or less water.

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This Toast With A Side Of Water

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toast in sink
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Photo Credit: Imgur
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What better way to start your day than with a balanced breakfast? An orange, coffee, toast, and a glass of warm, soapy water is the only way to wake up in the morning. Better yet, dunk your toast in the soapy water like this brilliant chef.

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The Baker Who Reached The Next Level Of Losing Their Glasses

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glasses in bread
Photo Credit: MyLoveBox / Reddit
Photo Credit: MyLoveBox / Reddit
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If your resident disaster cook starts asking where they put their glasses, we recommend you chew very carefully on that night's supper. This baker could've sworn he had them on the top of his head...

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New Ceiling Color Thanks To This Boyfriend

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ceiling black
Photo Credit: missbarajaja / Reddit
Photo Credit: missbarajaja / Reddit
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Get you a man who has a passion for home improvement. If you marry someone like that you'll always be greeted with fun surprises and new color palettes for your home. Just don't let them cook like this guy.

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Drunk Chef Presents, Well Done Curly Fries

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onions burnt
Photo Credit: ProudlyPro / Reddit
Photo Credit: ProudlyPro / Reddit
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A good life lesson is to not cook when you're drunk, no matter how tempting it is. Just walk the ten minutes to the Arby's to get your curly fries like a normal person instead of almost burning the house down.

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The Only Dad Who Can't Grill Apparently

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hamburgers bad
Photo Credit: ul2006kevinb / Reddit
Photo Credit: ul2006kevinb / Reddit
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This is a very distressing burger made by the only dad who shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a grill. Throwing some ground beef and a dollop of mustard on a dry bun is a good way to get everyone saying they can't make it to your next cookout.

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To Be A Chef Just Burn The Cookbook Into Your Mind And Your Stove

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burnt book
Photo Credit: Mr_Infection / Reddit
Photo Credit: Mr_Infection / Reddit
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This new cook thought they'd pick up some tricks of the trade by reading up on it. Sadly, they forgot that paper and hot surfaces don't mix. Maybe they should read about fire safety in the boyscout's manual before they start cooking.

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The Boyfriend Who Thinks The Stove Fire Is Probably Normal

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fire in kitchen
Photo Credit: Kaymank / Reddit
Photo Credit: Kaymank / Reddit
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We've all met someone who's strangely calm when a disaster is going on. Like this boyfriend who didn't even flinch or look up while there was a fire raging on behind him. We're worried that this means this is normal for him. Sir, please don't eat burnt stuff.

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They Couldn't Even Make A Frozen Pizza

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pizza nuclear
Photo Credit: AlyoshaV / Reddit
Photo Credit: AlyoshaV / Reddit
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Not even a frozen pizza is a safe bet for these kitchen disasters. There are so many variables that can go incredibly wrong and make the oven look like an explosion went off in it. A cheesy creation complete with a mushroom cloud.

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This Disaster Chef Found A Way To Set The Food On Fire Even When It Was In Water

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spag on fire
Photo Credit: Reddit
Photo Credit: Reddit
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Life finds a way, and so do chaotic people in the kitchen. Against all odds and probability, they'll make a disaster happen even when it's not possible. If you believe in yourself you can even make spaghetti in boiling water catch on fire.

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The Chef Who Couldn't Spell Or Make "Lasaga"

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Photo Credit: Hiveswap / Imgur
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A good rule of thumb is that if you can't spell it, you shouldn't be making it. That seems drastic but it's true. This chef was real excited for their "lasaga" but the pasta dish went splat just like their spelling bee dreams.

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He Fried Buffalo Wings And They Fried The Entire Kitchen Back

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Photo Credit: MJ23157 / Reddit
Photo Credit: MJ23157 / Reddit
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When you're attempting any recipe for the first time, a helpful tip is don't do it without taking all the precautions necessary. When frying anything in hot oil, like this guy did with his buffalo wings for the first time, maybe just have a fire extinguisher handy so you don't set the kitchen on fire. Just a thought.

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The Wife Who Steamed Hotdogs And Ruined All Our Days

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Photo Credit: shirtythebear / Reddit
Photo Credit: shirtythebear / Reddit
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This wife should not be allowed anywhere near hot dogs ever again because oh my God these are horrible. She's steamed them beyond the point of recognition and I think I'm finally starting to understand why no one knows what they're made of.

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The Coworker Who's Living In The Upside Down World So The Peanut Butter They Open Is Too

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Photo Credit: zak7646 / Reddit
Photo Credit: zak7646 / Reddit
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So, if you work in a kitchen we're assuming you know how to cook and handle yourself. Apparently, that's a big ask because this professional cook wasn't quite sure which end to open so they reached for their knife.

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The Spinach Baby Turned Out Great But We Wish It Didn't

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spinach baby
Photo Credit: tjcslamdunk / Reddit
Photo Credit: tjcslamdunk / Reddit
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Your significant other may be a good cook, but that doesn't mean they should just create things without thinking about the ethics behind them first. This "spinach baby" chef should've read Frankenstein before stepping into the kitchen and creating this monster.

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"Peel Half The Potatoes" Can Mean So Many Things

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potatoes in water
Photo Credit: ECIIPSECOFFEE / Imgur
Photo Credit: ECIIPSECOFFEE / Imgur
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When this culinary student told his friend to "peel half the potatoes" she did just that. We can't fault her for listening to instructions, but we can ask her how she approaches other situations in life. When told to "cross the road" does she yell at it to try and make it angry?

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The Inventor Of M&M Hot Chocolate That Was Just Too Far Ahead Of Their Time

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hot choco
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Photo Credit: Imgur
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This inventor was just too far ahead of their time when they dreamed of a world where M&M hot chocolate could exist. It's a fantastic idea, but we just don't have the technology yet. Maybe, just maybe, the world will catch up with this person's mind.

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The Stonewear Wore This Guy Down

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pasta everywhere
Photo Credit: grunyonz / Reddit
Photo Credit: grunyonz / Reddit
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Honestly, who's out here reading the instructions for a bowl? A bowl holds things so who are we to doubt its holding abilities? Even though this cook had full confidence in the stoneware bowl, the bowl didn't have confidence in itself.

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The Wife Who Tried To Bake Cookies And That's All We Can Ask From Her

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baking cookies
Photo Credit: Bryryeguy / Reddit
Photo Credit: Bryryeguy / Reddit
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The one thing a lot of these tornado people have in common is that they don't give up despite being the literal worst at cooking. This sweet wife just didn't want to disappoint her husband after a long day at work, so she powered through baking the cookies even though they looked like this.

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This Person Shouldn't Even Be Allowed In The Cupboards

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cabinet fall
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Photo Credit: Imgur
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The oven, microwave, and stove are no-fly zones for these people who are absolute disasters in the kitchen. But the cupboard should be alright, right? Nope, because apparently even getting a glass is a safety hazard.

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The Girlfriend Who's Entire Family Needs To Stop With The Food Coloring On Mac N' Cheese

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mac n cheese colored
Photo Credit: Jeezor / Reddit
Photo Credit: Jeezor / Reddit
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This girlfriend had dinner at her family's and thought she'd share a photo of their delicious "rainbow mac n' cheese." Thanks to her we know exactly where we're not going for dinner ever, and we're now haunted by black melted cheese forever.

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The Frozen Pizza Was Fine This Time, But The Cutting Board Wasn't

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pizza on cutting board
Photo Credit: Imgur
Photo Credit: Imgur
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Here comes the frozen pizza again because this meal is a favorite for those hopeless in the kitchen to destroy. This melted meal is probably the mascot for every terrible cook out there. Same with the cutting board that was forgotten in the oven.

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This Food Coloring Fanatic Who's Not Sure What Avocados Look Like

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guac green scary
Photo Credit HorseCode / Reddit
Photo Credit HorseCode / Reddit
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If you hated girlfriend's rainbow mac n' cheese get ready to hate this guy's green guacamole. He posted that the guac was "too yellow" so he wanted to "enhance the color." We're wondering if the creator of this green slime monstrosity has ever had a vegetable in his life.

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Girlfriend Made A Mac N' Cheese Cake And We Have No Idea How This Happened

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mac n cheese cake
Photo Credit: JoshPatson / Reddit
Photo Credit: JoshPatson / Reddit
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This macaroni nightmare teaches us a valuable lesson about not judging a book by its cover. Sure, it looks like a burnt long freak of nature and we're concerned about it and her, but it probably tastes fine. She also put a garnish on it and that's got to count for something.

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The Oven's On Fire But This Chef Made Time To Take A Photo

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fire in the oven
Photo Credit: ihatepandas / Reddit
Photo Credit: ihatepandas / Reddit
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Fires are a huge event, and naturally, we'd want to document them, except you can't because you're fighting the fire. Or at least you should be. This disaster chef thought that they'd have a few extra minutes to take an Instagram photo documenting the blaze that was currently destroying their home.

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This Kitchen Disaster Just Pead On The Floor

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peas on the floor
Photo Credit: Liam1112 / Reddit
Photo Credit: Liam1112 / Reddit
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This person just couldn't hold it in. Meaning, they couldn't hold the peas in the bag and they split all over the floor. Hopefully, they find peas within because we're not feeling zen looking at this mess.

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The Pressure Cooker That Couldn't Take The Heat So It Tried To Get Out Of The Kitchen

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pressure cooker yikes
Photo Credit: dukegonzo / Imgur
Photo Credit: dukegonzo / Imgur
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This photo is the reason I'm never buying a pressure cooker. This pressure cooker said "nope" to cooking and decided to try and blast itself through the ceiling and through the stove. I would recommend asking for a refund and not an exchange for this baby.

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The Chef Who's Actually A Chef But Still Deserves A Ban For What They Did To The Caramel

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caramel burnt
Photo Credit: Skiddle1138 / Reddit
Photo Credit: Skiddle1138 / Reddit
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This professional chef posted that they were cooking caramel at work when they "forgot" about it. How long did they have to forget about it before it started to look like Venom from Spiderman?

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