Bride Asks If She’s Wrong After “Stealing” Step-Sister’s First Dance Song And The Internet Is Divided
Weddings can be a beautiful time, but they can also be prime breeding grounds for family drama.
One woman went viral after asking if she was in the wrong for choosing the same first dance at her wedding as her step-sister did — and her reasoning had the internet talking!
Drama is often on the menu at weddings
There are a lot of heightened emotions when it comes to wedding planning -- a huge guest list of people very important to you and a lot of social etiquettes to learn and follow.
One woman took to Reddit to find out if she was breaking that etiquette with her music choices.
She went to the subreddit AITA
The subreddit, known as AITA, is frequented by people asking if they're in the wrong (or "the AH," a short form for a profane term for a jerk) following a conflict or argument.
This woman decided to let Reddit weigh in on her wedding drama.
She started off by saying it was a pretty simple story
The bride-to-be asked, "AITA for not wanting to change my first dance song because of my step-sister's association with it?
"Pretty much what the title says, so I'm going to keep it quick." The post now has 16k upvotes and 5k comments.
"We've chosen our first dance song..."
"My step-sister is not at all happy because she and her ex-husband also had this at their wedding, and she said she has a lot of memories with this particular song," she explained.
She left out a crucial detail, though.
"She asked if I could change it."
"I told her I get it, but this is what we want, and I don't want to change it."
"She said she understood, but she's been acting different around me and I could tell she was mad/upset," the woman went on.
The woman added that most people she knew agreed with her
"Most people who know about this don't think I'm doing anything wrong, but I had my sister and one of my friends tell me I'm being selfish and not understanding here," she went on.
That's when things got interesting.
Some things were still left unsaid
"Some people are asking to edit in my comments so here they are," she wrote in an edit to her original post.
"A few months after they got married, he was in a wreck, he thankfully survived but has a very severe TBI (among other things)."
She went on with more details
"He lives in a specialized nursing home," she explained. "They did get divorced, but my sister still goes on about how she loves him and visits him occasionally."
Then she added more context about her sister's relationship with the song.
The song holds a very special meaning for her sister and her ex
The woman explained, "He doesn't remember who she is most of the time, but my sister said she apparently sang this song to him and he 'looks like he remembers her' (her words)."
She also revealed the song itself.
The song: "Come What May" from Moulin Rouge!
The song the bride-to-be selected was "Come What May" from the movie Moulin Rouge! It details a promise between lovers to always love each other until the end of time, "come what may."
She wrote, "My sister sees it as 'their' song, she and her ex first met at the movies when they both went to watch it."
The story continues...
"Then apparently the restaurant they went to for their first date was also playing it, so they took it as a sign. And as I said, they also played it at their wedding," she explained.
But that wasn't all.
"She also sings it to him sometimes now."
"I think it's a really nice song and I'd like to play it too, I don't want to have to change it," her post finished.
The post immediately caught a lot of people's attention.
Reactions to her story were mixed
Before she had edited her post to add context to the situation, most people seemed to agree that she was under no obligation to change her song choice for her step-sister.
Once the full story came to light, the comments changed their tone.
One comment asked her to put herself in her step-sister's shoes.
"Imagine that your husband died. Only he didn't actually die, because he's still alive. He just doesn't remember you," they wrote.
"Whenever you come into the room it's like your heart is getting ripped out because the person you love most in the world sees you as a stranger, someone who doesn't matter to him."
The comment, which received over 37k upvotes, continued
"Your first song is the only thing that makes him even somewhat remember you, if only for a moment because you know the moment you leave the room he's forgetting you all over again," they went on.
The comments didn't stop there.
People were quickly turning against the future bride's choice
"No," the comment continued.
"The guy is still alive, and each time you see him, it's like you're losing him all over again, making it difficult to make a new life."
"Then you find out your stepsister wants to play the ONE SONG that means the most to you."
"(And, you think, to your brain-dead husband)," the commenter wrote.
"You have to watch someone else be happy and have the best day while you think about everything you lost and can never get back."
Commenters thought the original poster's attitude was strange
"[I] Was prepared to say [you weren't in the wrong] based on the main post, but finding out that there is no special connection to the song and that you liked it at your sister's wedding now reeks of some kind of weird dynamic" one commenter wrote.
But some still thought the bride had every right to the song.
She's "choosing to inflict pain..."
"Yeah, it's 'her wedding, her choice'," one commenter wrote, adding that "she is CHOOSING to inflict pain on her sister who has suffered an unimaginable tragedy."
But not everyone felt she was in the wrong.
Some people felt that the situation had a little nuance
"In a normal situation, I would say, 'it's a common song, no one owns it, she should get over herself,'" one commenter wrote.
"But after reading about your sister's situation, I completely understand her response. When we lose someone, we cling to those small reminders."
Some wondered how she could even consider using the song
"She has suffered such a great loss, and the song is a comfort to her."
"For me, that would mar the song for my own wedding. But that's just me," one user wrote.
The bride-to-be didn't have an emotional connection to the song
"If the song had a huge reason for being your first choice, I'd say stick with it. But right now, it reads like you chose it on a whim because you like it," one commenter wrote.
"You're willing to hurt your step-sister over a "nice song." I'm sorry, but that doesn't make you a nice person."
Using the song showed poor judgement
"No, your step-sister's emotions aren't your responsibility. No, your step-sister doesn't own the song," one user replied. "No, she isn't entitled to tell you what to do on your wedding day."
"But with all that in mind, if you actually care about her feelings, then this would make [you the one in the wrong]."
Users pointed out that context really mattered
"I understand that normally it wouldn't matter, but given the context, unless it has a deep meaning for you & SO, it's kind of creepy to take a song that you KNOW she keeps so close to her heart and use it for your own wedding," one commenter wrote.
Still, the internet was definitely divided.
Some weren't "sure" they could make a call on the sitaution
"Because nobody owns the song," one person wrote, "but I'll admit I feel a little strange/uncomfortable about your insistence on using it in spite of the lack of emotional connection."
"And in the context of her emotional connection."
One commenter wrote that it's "up to you"
"It's up to you to know if 'I like it' is equally important to you as 'It's a very emotional memory of something I've lost in a horrible way and the last remaining connection to my nearly dead ex-husband,'" the commenter wrote.
"Up to you..."
"If I were your sister, I wouldn't even go to the wedding."
"And, honestly, I'd go low contact with you! Her ex-husband literally can't remember her, and she goes there and sings this same song to him," they wrote.
"You know how much this song means to her and are still being selfish!"
The song meant a lot to her sister
"Her husband suffered a traumatic injury, and that song is possibly the only thing that reminds him of his love for your sister. Their relationship is wrapped around that song and its significance to them," they wrote.
Ultimately, it came down to one repeated point.
"Pick a different song."
"You can like the song, but leave it alone at your wedding."
"Let something from her marriage, which was tragically cut short, remain just about the good times she had with her husband. Do not turn it into the thing that reminds her of how selfish you are," one user wrote.
What do you think?
Do you agree with the commenters that the song is simply too emotionally weighted for the woman's step-sister and that she should leave it alone?
Or do you think that she has a right to use whatever song she wants at her wedding?
