If You’re A Grown Freaking Woman It’s Time To Stop Dating Bad Boys
We've all been there and I'm blaming everyone for it. Maybe your first exposure to the "bad boy" was James Dean's smoldering squint as he looked authority up and down, or maybe it was Spike and his beautiful bleached ramen hair in Buffy The Vampire Slayer. It doesn't matter what TV heartthrob did it, but they've absolutely ruined your taste in men and definitely aren't sorry about it.
We know why we like bad boys, aka the dudes who don't care about anything and look hot doing it, but if you're growing a line of credit and toying with the idea of investing in a long-term relationship while dating these guys, it might be time to move one. Here are (just a few) reasons why you should ditch the leather-jacket wearing man in your adult life.
There's Only So Many Times You Can Dine And Dash Before You Can't Go Anywhere In Town
Okay, so maybe you're not actually stealing food, but if you're seeing a guy who has a weirdly lengthy list of places he can't go because he and the owner don't "see eye-to-eye" then you should think about hitting the road.
Stable and balanced people don't typically have enemies that won't let them step foot in places. Sure, you tell everyone you like drama, but when someone else's five-year feud starts to affect where you can and can't go, move on from that guy who's holding you back.
Weekend Warrioring Is For People Who Don't Have Laundry
He's a fun guy who's always the first to text you on a Friday night asking what you're up to and if you want to go out, but you're not sure you have the energy to go as hard as he does. Despite both of you being fully grown adults with stuff to do on the weekend, he always seems to talk you into spending every Saturday at the beer garden rehashing why Bon Iver's latest album was pure genius.
If you're finding yourself slipping behind on stuff like groceries and general well-being, he may be more of a hindrance than a help to you.
Know What's Hot In Bed? Clean Sheets And Two Pillows
He's always on the go somewhere tearing it up doing his freelance thing and sneaking into local music shows—too bad his apartment is starting to look and smell like it.
If every time you go over you lose a pair of pants in the pile of clothes at the foot of the bed or you're hesitant about sitting down on his stained corduroy couch, you might want to pull the exit cord on the relationship. If he's that messy by himself, he's going to be impossible to live with if you ever want to take things to the next step.
Tequila Sunrises At Sunrise Don't Taste As Good When You Have To Work In Three Hours
He's always down to have a good time, but that's only because it's on his time. When you're a bad boy you get to stay up late hanging with the guys and talking about your new designer toque business venture, but that lifestyle doesn't exactly jive with someone who's got to get up early to go to the office.
Sure, it's fun to turn up on a Wednesday, but if you're gagging every time Susan pumps her hand sanitizer he may be derailing your life just a tad.
The "Won't Respond But Will Post A 3-Minute Long Insta Story At A Secluded Little Martini Bar"
Here's another weird bad boy archetype that probably didn't exist until Instagram did—he's always stunting for a good photo. Whether it's polishing his Harley on Live, countless photos of him hiking in the mountains, or a carousel journey of secluded spots he "found" while out on his longboard, this man invests all his time and energy into his online rebellious persona.
Where does that leave you? Probably always on "read" and probably a little pissed you didn't get an invite. Don't make time for someone who can't make time for you, but will for thousands of strangers online.
Every "Friend" Is Very Hot And Very Single
You may not be a jealous person, but bad boys tend to attract a lot of attractive single female friends—we've all seen Tokyo Drift. If you feel like he's got a ton of options instead of you and he's keeping them around just for that reason, you should probably walk away.
Jealousy is often a hard thing to let go of, and if you find yourself dwelling on that girl who's "just a friend" you should end things before they get toxic.
Soul Search A Little Before Downloading Tinder Again
Look, bad boys are an issue just because they're unfairly hot and possessive and basically way too much of a mixed bag to ever be in a long-term relationship with—but you might want to look at yourself too.
We can blame the TV baddies all we want for planting this seed of desire, but we gotta ask ourselves if that comes from a fear of commitment or not. Text your therapist to hype them up for this upcoming session because it's going to be in-depth.
He Doesn't Own Any Other Clothing So You Can Never Go Anywhere Nice
Those ratty Keds or All-Stars probably would pass for a wedding-shoe like two years ago, but now they're not cutting it. Bad boys don't conform and "dress up" like the ubiquitous Man wants them to, so they're always opting for ripped jeans and a denim shirt for every occasion.
That could be an issue if you actually want to have a nice night out at a restaurant that doesn't have a drive-thru. Or a 14-year-old in a uniform asking if you want to upgrade (you do).
Two Cell Phones Sounds Cool Until You Realize That One's A Burner
Having a work phone and a cell phone really isn't a big deal and plenty of people do it. But when the work phone is the $60 LG he got at the grocery store and topped up with a $25 phone card then you may be seeing someone whose place of business is the front seat of his car.
It's a red flag for sure, but it's one worth acting on if you think you're seeing less of a Johnny Bravo bad boy type and more of a Jesse Pinkman.
He's Been Talking About Starting His Business For Six Months But You Still Don't Know What It'll Be
Bad boys are eternally noncommittal in love and the same way with everything else in life—he really just doesn't have a plan. Well, one more into the future than next weekend.
Sure, he's fine to talk your ear off about business partners and sponsors he's going to get involved and various companies he's going to connect with, but you're seeing little actual headway. Don't let him ghost you like his five-year plan and ask yourself if you really see a future together.
Your Front Door Literally Cannot Take The Slamming Anymore
Bad boys are, by definition, bad. He's the type to be so bad at communicating and always loves a good conflict escalation that you leave every minor disagreement emotionally and spiritually drained and with a front door that's a little wobbly from when he slammed it.
If he hasn't grown up enough to understand that good relationships start with conversation-volume communication then he's a handful not worth fighting for. Literally. He's also going to be an expensive home-reno investment because you know bad boys are putting their heads through drywall.
You Wonder If He Always Vetos Going Abroad Together Because He Has A Record
If all of your suggestions that you two take his beat-up Honda Civic out onto the open road abroad end with a swift "no" then you might be dating someone who's got a criminal record.
No judgment here since we've all messed up at some point in our lives, but if a misdemeanor is a red flag among many, many others (see above) then you should find a travel buddy who's not going to hold you back.
You're All Ears All The Time To Whatever He Wants To Rant About Today
If you've been dating bad boys for any length of time you know that they're carefully crafted versions of themselves. They know exactly how they want the world to perceive them, so it's their duty to go on a 40-minute rant about the real meaning behind the end of Donnie Darko if that's what it takes.
If you're seeing a guy who literally won't shut up then you're seeing someone who's too self-involved to care about the lives and opinions of others. That kind of carelessness doesn't jive with the whole stable adult thing you've got going on.
Half-Serious Insults Are Funny Until You Feel Like Sammi's Big Toe
Bad boys all have one thing in common—confidence. He's the center of every conversation and always has a loud opinion about everything because he's woke and he heard about it on Joe Rogan's podcast.
So when you speak up about something he might feel the need to assert his alpha dominance and call your intelligence, career, and social awareness into question. In a jokey way, though. If his "humor" is starting to wear away at your confidence and leave you feeling kind of rotten, walk away because he's trying to make you feel as insecure as he does.
You're Still Recovering From An Awkward Thanksgiving At Your Parents'
If he was late, wore a leather jacket and sunglasses indoors, and ate all the dark turkey meat at Thanksgiving dinner and your mom and dad still kinda bring it up in a way that makes you think they're not over it—they're not over it.
If your parents don't like him then he's not really ever going to cross that threshold of "serious boyfriend that you could marry" in their minds. If you're an adult looking for that long-term commitment, maybe a flighty guy your parents can't get behind isn't for you.
Working For Their Love Is Fun Until You're Burned Out On A Friday At 6 PM And Just Want To Chill
Bad boys make you fight for their love because they think they're stuck in some kind of weird early 2000s TV romance where love is a battlefield or whatever. So you've got to call them at least once and text them four times in a row before they hit you with the "sup" text.
This move is fine if you have all the time in the world, but as a mature adult woman, you definitely don't and are probably just trying to make dinner plans that night. Don't settle for the guy who leaves you hanging and get a man who's down for fajita night.
You Might Just Be Filling A Gap Ian Sommerhalder Left In Your Heart
Relationship experts will tell you that the kinds of people you're attracted to can often be the ones filling some kind of a hole in your heart. It's that old Freudian complex thing and it even applies to the bad boy you're seeing who will sit outside on your driveway in his beat-up '94 Impala and honk when picking you up.
So look seriously at yourself and ask if there was a patient zero you need to heal from or a person in your life who may have skewed your taste. This is important to check into because your own health and well-being is way more important than any bad boy.
Yeah, The First Date Was Fun Until He Brought His Childhood Trauma Folder
Bad boys love to talk about why they are the way they are. It's a narcissist thing. If you've just started seeing a dude and you realize you know more about him and his upbringing than someone you've worked with for years, he's a self-obsessed person not worth your time.
This kind of narcissist doesn't have much room in his heart to start actually listening to your thoughts, feelings, and your own issues, so don't bother sharing. This guy doesn't need a relationship, he needs a mirror.
You Don't Mind Getting Ghosted But It Almost Always Stops At 1 AM
This kind of ghost is the kind that only haunts you when it's in the mood. He's unavailable over text, phone, or in-person during the day when you're trying to reach him, but he mysteriously has all the time in the world for your right around 11 pm. Spooky how that works, huh?
This kind of behavior is indicative of a person who's not really ready for a relationship to progress past the physical aspect. So don't give them the time of day if you're looking for more. Or time of night.
Hanging With The "Guys" Is Fine, But Sometimes You Want To Do Something Other Than Hangout In His Brother's Basement
If you find yourself in the situation of always being the social plus one who's getting introduced to every Matt, Markus, and Greg who's playing pool in Daniel's basement that night, maybe it's time to revaluate the way you two hang out.
If he can't spend time with you outside of group settings or right before bed, chances are he's really not ready for a relationship with a human. He needs to start with a virtual girlfriend who's fine to nod at his buddies' lame jokes for hours before moving up to a flesh and blood model.
