Daughter Torn Between Father And Stepdad To Walk Her Down The Aisle In Emotional Decision
Wedding days aren't just special for the bride and groom, they also have a lot of meaning for the family too. In fact, being asked by your daughter to walk her down the aisle is considered a big honor.
But one dad issued an ultimatum regarding his daughter having to choose between him and her stepdad for this honor, and he's now taken to Reddit to see if he's in the wrong.
Walking Down The Aisle
One of the most beautiful moments of any wedding is seeing the bride walk down the aisle.
And any bride knows that the person she asks to walk her down the aisle on her wedding day is a big deal. Whether she walks solo, with a parent, or with both parents, it's an important decision to make, and who she chooses is a reminder of how much that person means to her.
The Reddit Post
Reddit user register2509765 took to a popular subreddit to get clarity on a fight that arose between him and his engaged daughter named Chloe.
He explains that he and Chloe's mother never married, and due to various circumstances, he wasn't able to remain in her life for long. When Chloe was five, her mother married another man, who the original poster (OP) calls a "somewhat decent guy."
Mending The Relationship
OP says that when Chloe was 16, he moved back to the country and Chloe wanted to reestablish a relationship. He adds that Chloe's mom often throws in his face that Chloe's stepdad is and always has been the "real/legal parent."
Despite the backhanded remarks and the fact that Chloe's mother "knows about the bond I have with Chloe," he writes that he's always ignored them.
The Big Question
OP was then "taken aback" when Chloe asked both OP and her stepdad to walk her down the aisle. She said that because of the huge role her stepdad played in her life, she wanted to include him too.
"I told her of course and I absolutely won't invalidate her feelings or deny how much of a good influence her stepdad's been but, I just don't feel comfortable with it and told her it'd be ok if I was just a guest."
Making Choices
Chloe told OP that she badly wanted him to be a part of her big day. He countered by saying that "it's either me or her stepdad because there is no way I'm doing this with him."
She said it wasn't fair to put her in the position of having to choose between her two dads, and accused him of allowing his resentment toward her stepdad to cloud his judgment.
The Mother Of The Bride Gets Involved
"The argument escalated to the point where I said I won't come to the wedding if she continues to force the issue," he wrote.
Chloe's mother accused him of being "selfish, jealous, [and] spiteful" and that he was willing to hurt his own daughter out of spite because the stepdad was more of a parent than he'll ever be. He told her to stay out of it and that the issue was between him and Chloe.
Judgment Time
OP then explains that Chloe is no longer responding to his calls, and when he tried to reach her through her fiancé, he was told Chloe is upset because he put his own needs above hers and showed her stepdad disrespect. The fiancé then advised OP to do this one thing for Chloe since it's important.
Before accepting judgment, OP writes that "I'm feeling uneasy even thinking about so I don't think I'll ever be okay with it."
An Absent Father
Reddit voted and overwhelmingly found the dad to be in the wrong. They said his absenteeism for 16 years of his daughter's life was his choice and that he should be groveling at her feet trying to make it up to her.
"Seriously, the gall of this man to be insulted when he wasn't around for so many of her formative years. He waltzes back in and wants a place of honor in her life all to himself."
Making Chloe's Day About Himself
Other people chastised the dad for making Chloe's wedding day all about himself after his daughter graciously extended him an olive branch in the first place. They called him selfish and childish for not being able to put his own feelings aside during the 90 seconds it'll take to walk her down the aisle.
"Another man raised your child and you have the balls to issue an ultimatum? You're lucky to even be invited to the wedding," one user commented.
Resentful Of Stepdad
Other people said that OP's refusal to share the spotlight results from jealousy of the stepdad stepping up to be a parent when he failed.
"I think OP doesn't want to face what he already knows. He wasn’t a father and his daughter doing this acknowledges what she and everyone knows. He probably wrote a narrative in his head of how he’s a victim of circumstance and this guy stole his life and role. He clearly resents stepdad."
Honoring Both Dads
Other people said that Chloe's gesture wasn't meant to pit the two dads against each other, but that it was Chloe's way of showing gratitude to her two father figures. In fact, both parents walking their daughters down the aisle is becoming more common.
"By the way this is actually a normal thing to do now...It’s meant to honor both fathers. Not that you sound like you deserve it now."
Dad's Not At Fault
But not everyone was critical of the father. Some people thought Chloe was also to blame for not taking "No" for an answer, while another user said he made the concession of being a guest so Chloe wouldn't be forced to choose.
"The OP declined to do something that makes him uncomfortable. There’s no rule that says he has to put his adult daughter’s wishes ahead of his own," one user wrote.
