Wildest Stories From ER Doctors That Will Make You Rethink Every Trip To The Hospital
Hospitals aren't fun places for anybody, whether you're working or visiting. It's supposed to be all normal sick people, but once in a while you get someone in there who's just so very unique in their own way and they provide us with some quality stories. But whatever we've seen in the waiting room, doctors and nurses have seen wilder things behind the curtain.
These brave medically-certified souls have shared their most insane stories with us and let me just say I'm absolutely baffled how some of these people lived long enough to get sick.
Cheetos Don't Have Trans Fat, So No, I Haven't Eaten Today
We all know we're not supposed to eat hours before surgery because we could, you know, die. But Reddit user and dental surgeon popeyefur says that some people just don't listen when he tells them that. Like the kid who walked in eating a bag of Cheetos while his parents swore he hadn't eaten. Honey, calories count in the morning.
Let's Learn Our ABC's And Start With "ER"
Doctors have to deal with literally everyone, and Reddit user bzzzzzzlightyear says that sometimes they get people coming in who aren't acquainted with the whole "reading" thing yet. They hand patients forms upside down now to see if they're just pretending so they know if they have to deliver verbal instructions.
The Patient Who Recently Quit A Decade Ago
Ahh, the old "are you a smoker" question. You'd think it'd be an easy yes or no for most people, but not for this quitter who saw Reddit user rameninside. They said they stopped smoking "10 years ago" even though they smelled and looked like they just blew through a couple in the parking lot.
The Dieter Who Heard Of This Olive Oil Craze
Reddit user and medical professional Iwatoori had a run-in with one patient who was having a hard time losing weight. When they went to her house they found enormous stockpiles of vegetable oil, peanut oil, and olive oil. When they asked her what she was doing with them she told them she heard that they were "healthy" and would drink the bottles.
"That's Not My Pen."
Chances are if there's a pen in your stomach you swallowed that pen. The chances are so good in fact that there's a 100% chance you did that. Reddit user DissociativeFeugo said that they had a patient sporting a Bic in the bowel and still said he never swallowed it. This guy is the guy who borrows your pens in class and never gives them back.
The "Deaf" Kid That Was Just Waiting For Somebody To Say Something Worthwhile
Reddit user tubboattommy describes their experience with a kid complaining of deafness who was just waiting for the right conversation. The doctor tested both ears before asking "what video games he played" and then watched as the kid was miraculously cured. We relate to this kid's level of done-ness with the world.
Professors Always Look Crazy, But This Math Professor Was Way Too Convincing
Reddit user monistowl's mother is an ER doctor who had a raggedy looking man stumble into the ER muttering about quantum physics. Turns out he was in renal failure, so they gave him dialysis, and he started acting coherently.
Instead of the literal mad scientist from Back to the Future, he was actually a math professor at a conference when his sudden medical problem made him delusional and made him get off the train in the wrong city and he was wandering ever since.
The Guy Who Embodies "Sorry For Party Rockin'"
Reddit user Madtoureetter gave a young guy in his mid-twenties a hearing test after his neighbors complained about his music being too loud. When the test came back as basically completely deaf, the doctor snuck behind the young guy and asked him about his weekend plans, to which he responded. So... maybe invest in headphones.
The Totally Not A Smoker With Cigarettes In His Pocket
People are out her straight up lying and we're confused why, like this patient Reddit user mikuduku treated. When he was complaining of a cough and they asked him if he smoked, he said "no" despite the pack of cigarettes in his breast pocket. Obviously he was holding them for a friend, jeez doc.
"The Lungs Hold Your Spine Straight, Duh."
Reddit user codyodeode had one patient tell them that his boss told him to sit up but he couldn't because one of his lungs was "deflated" and the "lungs hold the spine up." Ah, like balloons... it's all coming together man.
"I'm Having A Seizure"
Apparently it's a common theme in the ER to have people faking seizures to get out of criminal charges or court dates. Reddit user ChapInGrillSgt had one excellent actress who laid on the floor in the waiting room while shouting "I'm having a seizure." Excellent diagnosis, she should be in medicine.
She Got Up But Only For The Comcast
Reddit user and EMT 1Darude1 had one woman call saying she'd fallen in her house and couldn't get up. When they got there, she got up, unlocked the door, and then went back to lay down on the floor. When they were leaving she asked them to call Comcast for her. This is a queen who'd do anything for her channels.
If You Can Give Yourself An Xray, It Might Be Time To Call The Nurse In
Reddit user 2footCircusFreak had one patient with some real guts who called her into the room to tell her that his wound opened and he could see his guts poking out when he breathed. Kudos for this man for his zen in that situation because I would've been freaking out if I saw what I ate that day.
The Jacuzzi Was The Father
Apparently was have some Glee fans still in the building because one Reddit user lavadrop5 shares that people still believe that women can get pregnant in a hot tub if they get in after a couple has... been in there. This obviously isn't true but please God, don't abuse public jacuzzis like this.
Casts Are All The Rage Since Becky In Biology Got One
Reddit user Pyrus_Perseus had one teenage girl who came in with her mother hysterical because it was "clearly broken and needed a cast." Her mom pulled the doctor aside and told them she was just jealous her friend at school had a cast. When the Xray showed up clear there was a temper tantrum and yes, I would've paid an incredible amount of money to see it.
One Drink A Day Doesn't Specify How Big
Reddit user t-brave said that they had a patient who was being treated for an alcohol problem but who told every healthcare professional that they were only having one drink a day. When asked how big the drink was, they admitted it was a flower vase. That's a little more than one, sir.
I Don't Eat Them But I Know Them And That's Got To Count For Something
Reddit user esegallo isn't a doctor, but they write that when they were a child, they were overweight and the doctor asked them what their diet was like. They write that they just listed off fruits and vegetables "that we both knew I didn't eat." Hey, at least they know what they should eat.
The Swooning Maiden
Reddit user SnowOrShine's dad is a GP who had a woman complain of feeling faint and then pretend to faint right in front of him. He could see it was fake so he just walked away and she quietly got up and walked out of the office. This lady needs acting lessons more than she needs medical care, apparently.
This Is Between You And Your Bedpan Ma'am
Reddit user and nurse phenerganandpoprocks said that she was threatened a lawsuit for malpractice by a patient because they thought she used the bathroom in their bed. The patient was bedridden herself and clearly an avid fan of the blame game.
