Bumper Stickers You’d Laugh At If You Saw Them In The Wild
Like tattoos for your car, a bumper sticker tells you a lot about the person that you're driving behind. A certain category of people are willing to put a sticker on their car, and there's a big market for bumper stickers.
Some people prefer to take the funny approach, others take the aggressive "get back or else" approach, and then there are just plain strange ones that you come across. All of them can be appreciated in their own way.
Use Your Blinker
We're not saying that the Lord would be disappointed in you for changing lanes on the highway without signaling.
But this person is definitely saying that, and we're not going to argue with it.
Self-Promote Whenever Possible
We can appreciate a little self-promotion as much as the next person.
But if you're going to try to get people to buy your beer, you should probably make the website a little bigger.
Is There Anyone Who Doesn't?
There are few people who could say that they wouldn't stop at the chance for a bacon-wrapped hot dog (don't lie, you probably would).
But does it really warrant a bumper sticker?
Listening Skills Not On Point
She also probably told you not to buy this bumper sticker because she didn't think it was funny.
But we're guessing that you tuned out of that part of the conversation too.
Hope You Can Speed-Read
This is such a niche bumper sticker, and it's so specific that it must have been specially ordered by this person, right?
Multiple people don't have a need for this Dave Matthews coverup bumper sticker.
No One Asked You
A picture says a thousand words, and you drive your car all around town.
So it makes sense that people use a bumper sticker to share their opinions, even if no one cares about those opinions.
Changing Your Perspective
If you're going to stick a giant announcement onto your vehicle for the foreseeable future, you might as well make it something helpful.
It must be confusing for people when they see this truck without the RV, though.
Spittin' Truths About Suburbia
This kind of sticker really makes you go "hmmmm" after you read it.
Because you wish that you could tell them they were wrong, but honestly, where is the lie?
PT Cruiser, You're A Loser
At least they know that their car is not considered a cool car, and they've decided to take the "if you can't beat em, join em" approach.
Give them the punch line before they can even make the joke so you can all get where you need to go.
The Beginning Of The End
You told yourself that you were never going to be the parent who drives a minivan and shuttles kids around to soccer.
But flash forward 10 years and here you are in the parking lot at the field after practice.
Enjoy The Ride That Is This Crazy Life
Why is it that people are always "suffering" from insanity, and only havoc is ever wreaked?
Let havoc do what it wants and let the insane live their happy lives without you meddling.
The Only Solution
So, does this mean a ghost is driving whatever car has this bumper sticker?
Or do you think it's one of those fancy electronic self-driving cars that doesn't need a driver?
Making Their Stance Clear
People who choose to have those little stick figure families on the back of their vehicle immediately tell the world a lot about who they are.
In this case, this couple wants you to know that they chose to not have children, and the result of that decision is clear.
If Only Trunks Actually Worked Like This
You could probably position this photo to be your lock screen if you wanted to seriously commit yourself to your car.
But as far as bumper stickers go, this one isn't half bad.
Honk If You Can Relate
He's just saying what everyone else driving on the freeway is thinking as they sit in traffic making them late to work for the third day in a row because the kids wouldn't put their shoes on.
We're all just barely holding it together here.
Where Is The Lie?
We wish that we could debate this one, but they're not wrong.
If you're willing to buy this bumper sticker, though, you might have some other flaws which could be why you're divorced.
Accepting The Sad Reality
You know when you purchase a minivan you're not going to be getting a lot of compliments on your vehicle.
No one is going to stop you at a gas station to tell you how nice your minivan is.
And You're Probably Following Too Closely
You may like to make jokes about how women can't drive, or how you feel unsafe when you let your wife drive.
But it's hard to argue with the cold, hard facts.
Don't Touch His Truck
This enormously lifted truck is letting everyone know not to touch it.
With a truck lifted up that high, who can even reach it?
Got Insurance?
Some people think that old vehicles don't work as well as newer cars. Well this classic truck driver has something to say about that.
Their bumper sticker warns, "My brakes work fine. How's your insurance?"
Why Run When You Could Drive?
Running a marathon is no small feat. It's a major accomplishment and you should be proud of that.
But does it really need to be written on a sticker on your bumper for the next 7–12 years?
Look, They're Not Wrong
We both know I'm never going to visit the website that you're advertising on your bumper sticker, so what's the point in pretending?
Take the route that this man did and just acknowledge it.
No Participation Trophy For You
You thought it was going to be one of those "if you can read this you're too close" bumper stickers, but the joke's on you, that part is implied.
Instead, they'd rather insult your fourth-grade reading level.
Mazda Tribute Deserves The Recognition
It may not be the fanciest car but it gets you where you need to go.
And that's all that you can really ask, so let it have its shining moment.
Dinosaur > Cars
We're doomed to repeat history if we don't learn from it.
But doesn't some small part of you wish there was a way we could exist at the same time as dinosaurs?
Dreaming Of A Greater Tomorrow
In an ideal world, everyone would make a full stop at stop signs, use their turn signals on every turn, never tailgate, and chickens could cross the road freely.
That's the true utopia.
Seems Like A Threat
Would ketchup have been the condiment you would choose if you were going to be serving a meal to dragons?
Seems like barbecue sauce or hot sauce would've been a better choice, but to each his own.
The Dark Lord Is Always With You
In the regular muggle world of the 21st century, "defense against the dark arts" just means you're standing by whatever political party you're affiliated with.
And Voldemort is whoever the opposition's leader is.
Time To Find A New Job
You must be pretty fired up about your job to actively search out and then purchase a bumper sticker that describes your work as "hell."
Plus, you then drive this vehicle to work every day, so clearly, you're not shy about sharing your feelings.
What Does It Mean If You Can Read This?
We're not sure what it says about you if you were able to read this on the first try without any difficulty.
But that's a problem you can sort out when you get to your destination.
Math Is The Only Subject That Counts
If you're going to send a message to the general population about who you are as a person, you might as well send the message that you're a punny math wizard.
This person accomplished that.
A Woman Scorned
Everyone knows a scorned woman is not someone that you want to mess with.
And this bumper sticker tells us that this is not a woman we want to mess around with either.
Mind Ya Business
You stay in your lane, he'll stay in his lane, everyone will get to their destination safely, and we can all continue living our lives.
It probably wouldn't hurt to keep your distance just in case, though.
Pointing Out The Obvious
Unless you thought the baby on board was the one responsible for driving the vehicle, it was safe to assume everyone knew there were adults on board.
Never hurts to remind anyone though!
They're Definitely A Local
Is there anything more Canadian than having a bumper sticker that apologizes to the person driving too close behind you?
Even though it's completely their fault and you have no control over it?
Keep Your Opinions To Facebook
The only reason you get a bumper sticker to share your opinions is if you feel passionately about something.
That and every other person in your life is sick of discussing that particular topic with you.
We All Know It's True
Part of being a parent is reminding your children just how much you've sacrificed for them in their lives and how much they've cost you over the years.
You might as well start reminding them from a young age.
Bit Of A Catch-22
Maybe if you weren't spending money on silly things like bumper stickers you wouldn't need to have a bumper sticker explaining to other drivers that you have no money left.
Doh!
You Had Fair Warning
If you're the type of person who honks at other drivers thinking that it's going to improve the situation, you have to accept the consequences and be aware of what you're getting yourself into.
In this case, it's better not to honk.
Harsh But True
You may think that everyone on the road cares that your daughter plays basketball, your son plays hockey, and that you have two cats.
...And you're probably going to continue to think that so we won't burst your bubble.
Free Advice
Don't believe everything you read on a bumper sticker or every piece of unsolicited advice you receive.
But if you're going to choose to believe any of them this may be the one for you to trust.
BUMPER STICKERS
Most bumper stickers have a fairly specific message. That's kind of the point of bumper stickers. In this case, the bumper stickers have a cohesive message — and that message is BUMPER STICKERS.
Highly Specific.
If this seems unusually specific, to the point that it must be referring to something, you'd be right. It's a reference to the guy who built a 'Killdozer' and destroyed a bunch of buildings with it because he was mad at the local lawmakers.
Honk If You What?
I'm a simple person: If I see a bumper sticker urging me to honk if I meet a certain criteria, I'll honk (if I meet that criteria, of course). This bumper sticker is just leaving us all in suspense. I honk therefore I am?
Unique Energy
Snuggling or kissing bugs sounds gross to me, and I can't get down with this sentiment. That said, I don't want to yuck anybody's yum — and this does seem like a legitimate concern for the bug kissers of the world.
Way To Change The Subject
This bumper sticker starts out in an expected direction, then it takes an interesting turn. No, I don't have any sardines, sorry — but reading that distracted me from whatever the initial point was.
Some People Want To Watch The World Burn
These were printed out as a joke by a cyclist, with the idea of applying them to the cars of inconsiderate drivers. It's passive-aggressive bordering on just being aggressive-aggresive but maybe it works.
Follow Your Own Advice
I think most of us can get down with the 'Quit texting and drive' message. It's a safety concern, after all. That said, if you look at the driver of this car, they're not practicing what they preach.
It's a Baltimore Thing
I'm not going to pretend I know the folkways of Baltimore (I mean, I did watch The Wire start to finish). So with that lack of knowledge, I'm just going to assume this makes sense to you if you're in Baltimore.
If You Know You Know
Why is this car advertising an incredibly good deal on an all-beef hot dog (or Polish) and a soda? It's simply a tribute to Costco's legendary hot dog deal, which I can definitely support.
There's A Lot Going On Here
Some drivers stick to one message with their bumper stickers, while others seem determined to slap as many stickers onto their cars as possible. I think we all know which category this driver falls into.
Well, It's A Banger
"Linger" is actually a pretty uplifting song to cry to, but the lyrics are pretty poignant. The driver should follow up this cry session by blasting "Zombie" on max volume.
It's An Excellent Point
We've seen "Sorry for driving so close in front of you" as a message to tailgaters, but this one is far more blunt. It's basically "I could kill you, please stop tailgating."
An Honors Student Where?
Most of us probably roll our eyes when we see those "My child is an honors student" bumper stickers, so it's nice to see a twist on the tired formula...even if it does leave us with more questions than answers.
Hot Take Alert
I've never seen Paddington, but the books are downright delightful. Is this a brave opinion or not? I'm really not sure. Also, shout-out to the bumper sticker on the left.
A Gentle Reminder
Some bumper stickers warn that the driver is new and inexperienced. Others, like this one, simply offer a heads-up that while the driver might not be a newbie, they're very nervous.
