How To Make it Through a Tough Friend Breakup
"Friends are forever!"—every rom-com protagonist says as they clutch the girl gang that supports them through the cycle of questionable men they get hurt by until, inevitably, they find Mr. Right. Wherever you look, the idea that you're supposed to keep your friends forever is shoved in your face. But it's not really true.
Friends come and go and it's difficult when they do. Majorly. Friend breakups are arguably worse than romantic ones because at least you know that romantic ones either end in marriage or just... end. Friend breakups are hard to do and hard to get over—so here's exactly how to carry on after you lose that friend.
Know Exactly Why You're Breaking Up
There's a reason we all do stuff, but when it comes to big events like ending relationships you need to make sure you know exactly why you're walking away from the friendship. Are they toxic? Are they hurtful? These are things to ask yourself and make sure you're not just ending it because you're angry at the moment or based on a gut feeling.
Arrange To Meet In A Public Place
Friend breakups have similar rules to romantic breakups—don't do it over text and make sure it's in a neutral public place. Coffeeshops, public parks, and really anywhere where you two can talk peacefully and leave separately are best.
Focus On How Your Life Will Be Better Without Them
If you're getting cold feet about going through with the breakup, try and focus on the positive aspects that will come out of you ending the relationship. You'll have more time, feel more positive without them stressing you out, and be able to cut the toxic energy they were bringing to your life out.
Don't Be A Ghost (Even Though It's Way Easier)
There's a part of us that would rather skip the whole closure thing and just ignore the texts, calls, and shouts of our friend than actually sit down and have that hard conversation. I'm not advocating for you to ghost the people you see romantically, but ghosting a friend is just way worse... so don't do it.
It's Not A Group Event So Don't Bring A Plus One
I don't know who needs to hear this and who hasn't already figured this out, but don't follow through with the breakup when other people are present. You're only going to put your friend on the defensive and could make this thing turn sour. The last thing you want is a fight.
Don't Arrange A Sabotage Breakup, You're Not James Bond
Don't ask your friend out to go to the movies and then surprise them with a breakup. Like what? How dastardly is that? Just be honest and tell them you need to have a serious talk with them about your friendship.
Have You Tried To Save It? Were You At Fault Too?
Now, before you start in on your friend blaming them for all the ways your relationship went wrong, be completely honest with yourself if you had a hand in that negativity too. If you did, be honest and tell your friend you're sorry but that doesn't change the fact you still want this relationship to be over.
Get Their Point Of View
A huge part of the breakup is letting them talk and explain why things went South from their own point of view. Who knows, maybe they had personal issues going on that you didn't know about that might make you change your mind.
Plan What You're Going To Say Ahead Of Time
Don't just walk into the meeting full of emotion, guns a-blazin', and dumping all your emotions on your friend. Stay organized and plan out before what issues you want to bring up. That way your talk won't take forever and you'll get more closure from the exchange.
Be Firm (If This Is What You Want)
Your friend may not be super receptive to you breaking up with them as you are. They may argue with you, promise to change, and try and make plans with you anyway, but if you're sure this is what you want, you to need to stick to your resolve. I know it hurts.
Actually Be Clear About What Your Boundaries Are
Some people will take a mile when they're given an inch—so be crystal clear about what exactly is okay and what isn't in your breakup. Can they text you? Call you? Are you going to be civil in group settings but not hangout one-on-one? All of these are things to consider.
Make A Point To Differentiate Between A Break And A Breakup
Part of the breakup is knowing whether it's a permanent thing or just something you want to happen while you cool down and reevaluate the impact this person has on your life. If it's just a break for you two to sort your stuff out, you need to verbally agree to that. Otherwise, if you try to get in contact with each other afterward it could feel forced and unwelcome.
Do The Instagram Purge
Look, whether you feel like it'll make your social media look good or not doesn't matter, having pictures of a friend on your Instagram page isn't healthy for you to keep glancing at. Seeing them will only dredge up old memories and hard feelings so just get it over with and get their face out of there. Even if you did look really good in that photo (I'm sorry).
Decide How You're Going To Let Mutual Friends Know
I think a fantastic rule of thumb for breaking up with a friend you share a social circle with is to not make your friends pick sides. Let them know exactly what happened, be honest, but just know that making them choose between them or you can make things incredibly awkward for everyone. And they might not choose you.
Lean On Other Friends And Family
Friends are there for you during your breakups, so naturally, they should be there for you during your friend breakups. Don't be afraid to seek support from friends and family when you're upset since it helps so much to talk through the pain.
Try And Meet New People
You probably did a lot of fun stuff with your friend before the relationship fell apart, and now you've probably got a big hole in your life, heart, and social circle. A great way to help yourself heal is to surround yourself with new people and new hobbies to keep your brain excited about potential friends that you can make in the future.
Be Thankful The Friendship Was Good When It Was Good
Even though you two broke things off you should still try and walk away from the friendship feeling content with the experience you had. A healthy way to change your perspective after is to recognize that they gave you a lot of joy when things were good and that the happy memories you two shared together are to be cherished.
Don't Creep Them On Social Media Afterwards
Probably one of the unhealthiest things you can do after a breakup is to keep remembering them. One of the worst things about the 21st century is that social media makes it that much easier for us to keep doing just that. Do your mental health a favor and block them, unfollow them, mute them, or hide their social media stuff because it's seriously not good for you.
Spend Some Time Reconnecting With Yourself
A great way to heal after an emotional friend breakup is to invest all the time you were spending with the other person back into yourself and your own wellbeing. Treating yourself to a spa day, a good meal, or going to a cheap yoga class is the perfect opportunity for you to reconnect with yourself and show yourself that even though the friendship didn't work out, you're an awesome person who's worth it.
If You See Them Again Try And Stay Calm
With ex-friends, you run the risk of seeing them at social functions held by mutual friends at a much higher rate than you would with a romantic ex. So make sure you're prepared for that situation and mentally be able to calmly handle seeing them again.
